The Orders of the Apple Ministry

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I was talking to my wife last night about how shortly after opening Viticci's 23-page iOS 9 review I tuned out when he wrote about the San Francisco font. Which got me thinking about degrees of religious devotion to Apple. 

From Wikipedia:

In Anglicanism, the term "laity" refers to anyone who is not a bishop, priest, or deacon in the Church. In the Anglican tradition, all baptized persons are expected to minister in Christ's name. The orders of ministry are thus laypersons, deacons, priests, and bishops.

So if Jony Ive is a bishop and Federico Viticci or Rene Ritchie are priests, then I guess I'm a deacon. I'm more than a casual iPhone user (layperson) in that I am into productivity workflows (apps like Drafts, Launch Center Pro, Editorial, Pythonista) but I care little about all the minutiae of an iOS update. I really have no patience for a #longread review -- I'd rather just play around with updated apps or skim a listicle like, "The 9 Things You Need to Know About iOS 9 Right Now."